So I've recently discovered a nasty truth about school, and possibly life in general. It all started yesterday as I sat in my Guidance Counselor's office discussing the possibility of doubling up on core classes to graduate early. As I'd like to graduate early, and get out of this school a year early, there is the finer possibility that I will be attending a private school in my Junior and Senior year. This, I want more than anything.
I've had problems with too much work in general, to the point where I want to scream and fall in a hole. But I realize, it's because of the mental state I was in. My priorities weren't straight. I like to play. Playing Minecraft, or just doing something rather than work. But the matter of the fact is, I could have fun while working. All playing asides, there's nothing more I like better than the sick satisfaction of scoring really high on a paper while others around me have lesser grades. It just goes to show what can happen with the proper motivation. What would mine be? Being the asshole overachiever? I don't mind that all. I'll be successful. I don't come from old money. I will never inherit some secret fortune. I'm starting from the bottom up
Something that bugs me. When people question why I want to double-up on classes? Because. It looks good on paper, and I don't want to waste time boring my brain on silly little electives while I could be getting something out of the way. Or even worse, taking study halls. I don't have any this year. To be successful, you work hard. Sitting in a classroom working on things you could easily do at home is not how I want to spend my time.
So, what do I do now? I talk to my parents, mainly my mother. She knows my abilities and breaking points better than anyone. She's skeptical about this. Especially since I said that I wanted to drop lunch in place for a study hall, or more preferably, a Social Studies elective. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to understand my goals. Figures. She hardly understands anything with me. I can't neccessarily blame her; I've been changing rapidly in the past few months. I almost feel bad for her.
All I have to do now is wait for the main schedule to be created so that my Counselor and I can figure out what I should do. For what I want, I want to go to college at Georgetown University. It's very close to where I want to work. I want a job in one of the numerous branches of the Central Intelligence Agency. First as an internship, since that will give me more of a hands-on experience dealing with a new situation. I don't know what comes next, but I feel more secure that I have a path to follow.
This is another pet-peeve. People at my school don't mind having no goals. Most the people in my grade are irritatingly passive about what they want to do. They have no sense of direction, no goals. They sell themselves short and accept lower grades even though they have the potential to be better. What am I dealing with? I'm thinking about my mother's mistakes, my sister's mistakes. I don't want to run into financial problems where I can't get a morgage on a house because my credit score is shit from all the checks I couldn't pay.
As of right now, it's 9:46 (AM) and I'm in fourth period. Global History. Probably one of the most boring classes I have. I don't mind history, but I'd rather focus on more political history. Understanding why governments are corrupt and why political leaders fail.
Another thing I have a problem with this school, is everyone seems more involved in relationships than studies. How the fuck can you concentrate on how he/she feels about you, when the chances of seeing this person when you graduate is very slim, and even then, you should never make the mistake of giving up your dreams just to be with someone. In the end, you're selling yourself short and, I don't mean to be a pessimist, your highschool sweetheart might turn out to be a completely different person and you're facing divorce. Now you declined the invitation to the college of your dreams so you can stay and be with your little love, but now that little love of yours cheated on you and wants a divorce. Where do you stand now? Community college. Ew. What if your pregnant? Now you have a child to think about. My advice: abortion or adoption. It's not fair to the kid that you aren't settled down or have a decent salary to support them.
I will gladly live my life alone, for being selfish isn't a crime.